In spite of our earthly un-fathers, He transforms our understanding of what it means to be a father. My heavenly Father has removed the bitterness that covered my eyes and laced through my words and replaced it with gentleness and forgiveness.
How can we comprehend God as a loving heavenly Father, when our relationship with our earthly fathers (or parent) is anything but loving?
This piece comes from a place of deep hurt and pain, that has stretched across many years, yet I am aware that it is not a pain only I experience. So bear with me as the emotion becomes wrapped up in the message, because I think it’s a message many of us need to hear.
Broken relationships and familial dysfunction have become so common that they have nearly been accepted as a norm, but that does not mean they are any less difficult or indeed, normal. Growing up with an uninterested, unavailable or completely absent father, is perhaps one of the most difficult thing a child can go through.
Dads set the bar for all future interactions with males, on a conscious and subconscious level. Now, I’m no psychology expert, but personally I do not look for reasons and rationale behind a missing parent for my formative years, but rather I translate the lack of nuclear family set-up directly onto myself and conclude it’s because of something I’ve done. And I know now that that is the most devastating thought process for any child to experience.
So how do we get past this?
I think the first hurdle is overcoming the ‘this is not fair’ obstacle. When we cling to the thought that it is our fault, although it certainly is not, we can become hostile and numb to experiencing any kind of love. I realised quite some time ago that when I grasped onto the lack of love I was receiving from somewhere, I then proceeded to block receiving love from anyone.
It’s hard to escape that mindset when it’s what you’ve known for so long. There’s not a magical switch you can flick to dispose of all your baggage and burdens, rather it’s a long haul of gradually changing your understanding and accepting love from the people that are in your life. My definition of family has been changed by the realisation that my earthly family is not just my biological family, it is also the people that are unwavering constants in my life, regardless of how many mistakes I make.
Also, there is more than this earthly life. Our experiences may form and shape us, but there is hope found in the Heavenly Father. There is hope found above and beyond this life.
My Heavenly Father offers restoration to the devastation and perils of this world. He applies salve to our wounds and gives us the strength to press on. In spite of our earthly un-fathers, He transforms our understanding of what it means to be father. My Heavenly Father has removed the bitterness that covered my eyes and laced through my words and replaced it with gentleness and forgiveness.
To the father who leaves you feeling unworthy and inadequate, my Father asserts your worthiness. To Him you are precious, more valuable than you can ever know.
‘Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?’
Matthew 6:26
To the father who has left you with only struggle, my Father offers the greatest gift.
Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.
Luke 12:32
To the father who has left us broken and has abused their power, my Father acts justly, and disciplines out of love to help us grow and thrive.
My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,
and do not resent his rebuke,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.
Proverbs 3:11-12
And finally, to the father who has twisted our understanding of love, my Father is love.
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:8
My Father is a God of comfort.
My Father offers outstretched arms, welcoming me home every time I stray.
My Father picks me up when I stumble.
My Father never leaves me.
My Father is patient and understanding.
I know the characteristics of God can be challenging to comprehend when you have lived a life filled with neglect and hurt. And sister, my heart goes out to you. My heart breaks with yours. I understand the disappointment, the lack of understanding and the wondering of what you did wrong. Yet, the aim of this post is not to linger here, it’s rather to offer hope.
Hope found in the Father not a father.
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